The MarzMan

ShadowBoxing© with StevenMarz as heard on 98FM Radio Free Santa Fe May 11, 1998

As I settle into the senility of my middle age, I feel blessed with the wisdom of many roads taken. Not to suggest I never got lost or found myself in a dead-end with a tricky turn-around - but inasmuch as I've ventured freely, exploring life for the simple experience of it. I suppose sooner or later I should figure out what I want to do when I grow up, but as the years ahead grow more and more precious, I'm tempted to trash the whole concept of a career. Who needs it? It's not like I have any illusions about retirement or sittin on my butt waiting for the mailman to bring the monthly check. Seems to me that as the odometer clicks off the miles and the souvenirs accumulate, the road ahead distinguishes itself from the tourist traps as my primary destination.

I have consigned myself with the reality that I'll probably work until I die. That being the case, the challenge is to find a way to enjoy the process. The tightwire I walk from day to day is whether the job works me or I work the job. Since High School I can count some forty different companies who have contributed W2s to my annual angst with the IRS. I'm OK with this - I've learned a lot of stuff, not the least of which is the skill to learn new stuff. The best way to learn how to build a house is to build a house - the best way to get an education is to never stop.

My saving grace was never graduating from college. Careers are born in the ivy halls of higher education. I started the University fully intent on a lifetime as an Architect - funny thing happened though when I realized I'd end up just like my professors - I sobered up. I've noticed that people with careers tend to allow their lives to be shaped by them. No matter how much they may rationalize to themselves and their families - there's an unspoken tinge of guilt for making something else more important. I wonder how often it actually contributes to a lifetime without regret - no matter the professional achievements.

I think there's a critical distinction between having a degree and being educated - though you'd never know it by reading the classifieds. One can go to college to engage a lifetime tradition of learning or to get a degree and begin the career designed to set them up for retirement. There's a "consistency from beginning to end" about how we utilize our years of formal education. If they begin with an intent to get into the good school - to get into the good company - to get the big bucks - no wonder the pattern of "what you can get" begins to take over. On the other hand, if school provides an opportunity for learning, and jobs allow the opportunity to learn more, then instead of a financial reward - there is the satisfaction of becoming a capable person. Stephen Wright said it pretty well when he
observed: "many people quit looking for work when they get a job."

ShadowBoxing - Sitka, Alaska - August 17, 1998

Something happened to me in Santa Fe. Whether it was the place or the people, the mid-nineteen-ninety's or just my mid-forties, the later teenage maturing of my marriage or scaling the continental divide of faith - exploring new territory from the perspective of half a lifetime as a Buddhist. The reason I know it happened in Santa Fe is because it changed somewhere between when I picked up my stuff and hauled it thousands of miles to experience the foreign environs of New Mexico, and when I packed up my stuff and hauled it thousands of miles to Alaska, to once again be a stranger in a strange land.

My experience in Sitka so far has bordered on the inexpressible. best word I can find to describe it, is: "generosity". There is a vibrant and sincere generosity among Sitkans to give of their time and resources and consideration to the betterment of the whole. Whether it's the finanacial support of local organizations by buying everyone's raffle tickets, or the endless patience to answer the repetitive questions of visitors and newcomers. Or, maybe, it's the generosity of the environment itself that overwhelms it's inhabitants - the fertility of the sea, the extravagance of eagled rain forests stretching from island dotted bays to snow capped volcanos - an unselfish beauty, spectacular in her radiance.

So, anyway, what changed in those five years of high altitude slumming thru the University of Santa Fe, was that I learned how to live - if not one moment at a time - then one week at a time. The day I got the call that confirmed the job that meant I was actually gonna move, I gave my notice to two jobs, my wife gave hers, we notified our landlord, made ferry reservations and arranged a P.O. Box in Sitka, we called everyone we knew - we was jammin. Had to research moving trucks and rental vans, had to learn about barges and sea going shipping containers, had to sell a bunch of stuff to pay for the move... we had 16 days. Cool thing though, I really wanted to enjoy this transition - I was conscious of the value these couple of weeks offered, and I didn't want to be overly distracted by the next phase of my adventure. It worked. I embraced my goodbyes as I engaged the process. Each element fell into place, unique pleasures in the evolving courses of an emperor's feast. Making plans amidst farewells, packing up and hitting the road, driving the rental truck felt more like a vacation than a move - the scenery beautiful, the highway my friend. Loading the container in Seattle was a snap and visiting old friends a joy. And after a three-day ferry ride complete with a dozen humpback whales swimming by to check us out one sunny afternoon, we found our new home within 48 hours of arrival and settled in.

Now, four weeks as an Alaskan under my belt, new plates on the truck and a resident license in my wallet, this streak of consciousness continues like a string of unlikely birdies. I'm vividly aware of the opportunity of being the new guy. I have no issues, no expectations; no prejudices. For a brief period of time, I will be making and forming first impressions that will last the rest of my life in this place. Coming on board as the Executive Director of the Chamber of Commerce for an island community of eighty-six hundred people - twenty years from now, Ill be able to look back at this month as the foundation for everything that's transpired. Precious cargo in a fleeting time - who could ask for anything more?

"Bears knocking over garbage cans, walking up on kids in their back yards, foraging peoples decks and lickin barbeques" - such have been the reports making the daily police blotter lately. Been goin on for a whole month, they figure six or seven - mostly young - bears have been visiting town, having made their annual trek down from the mountains to await the salmon smorgasbord about to gorge the half-dozen creeks flowing through our neighborhoods. Expert people say that bears have fed off these beaches, building up their hibernation fat, for thousands of years - a few centuries of humans hangin around ain't near enough to discourage attendance at this feast of the year. These "small" bears are only two to three hundred pounds, but keep in mind, their grandfathers are the size of Brahma bulls. Think about pulling open the curtains one night after hearing a noise outside and finding yourself lookin at a fifteen hundred pound bear with claws the size of butcher knives eyeball to eyeball. The salmon should be runnin good this week, so, we're all crossing our fingers that none of the bear have irreversible garbage addictions and they will all move down to the streams and take care of the business at hand.

I don't suppose Sitka is much different from other small isolated communities. Folks figure out some way to make a living in this wild place on the edge of humanity - just like everywhere else. There's one stoplight seven thousand cars and fifteen miles of paved road, four marinas two high schools lots of churches and a McDonalds rated as the best place to view bald eagles by a recent guide book. Raven Radio, our NPR affiliate, airs "Muskeg Messages" as a daily feature - communications back and forth between people out in the bush or distant islands that have no other way to keep in touch. One or two, sometimes three, cruiseships are anchored in the bay on any given summer morning. I can see them out my window and get an idea how many thousands of Eddie Baurer clad looky-loos will be wandering town by the time I get to work. Visitors from all over the world, dozens of languages and cultures - they stay for three or four hours, then reboard the ships preparing for departure and the next port. Pretty painless actually, but controversial among locals none-the-less. Matter-of-fact, our future as a cruise ship destination is being called into question as we speak. Of the six Southeast Alaskan regular stops included in most cruise itineraries - Sitka is the only port without a dock. Here, the ships must anchor out in deeper water and lower skiffs to ferry their passengers ashore - bad weather can complicate this process, or prevent it altogether. A marine construction company wants to build a deep-water pier to accomodate the ships - the town meetings and letters-to-the-editor are already startin to heat up. Bout a quarter of the town don't want it, a quarter do, and the rest don't much seem to care. Well, that's not really true, they're just directing their passion at one of the other local hot potatoes. Like whether or not the city should accept the gift of a closed down pulp mill from it's Japanese owners. One camp sees the potential for new businesses to relocate at the site - kind of like a business park with the capacity to house several companies and help ease the economic shockwave still reverberating four years after the mills closure. Others, suspicious of the swift completion of tests conducted to determine long term impacts of environmental damage, want to spend a little more time making sure we're not setting ourselves up for millions of dollars in liability clean-up suits before a decision is made. We have been warned to beware of Trojan Horses. If you've got the energy, we've got the issues.

Politics and bears aside, things are pretty quiet up here in paradise. Stay conscious. steve